CAST: Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans, Ana de Armas, Billy Bob Thornton, Jessica Henwick , Dhanush, Regé-Jean Page, Wagner Moura

DIRECTOR: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo

Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans, and Ana de Armas collab in a fiery and pricey thriller that even has some wet ware beneath the muscle kebab.

With  The Gray Man, Netflix delivers a rip-thundering celeb-stacked spy flick that puts all the money on screen as Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans go head to head.

In some theaters on July 15 and streaming on Netflix on July 22, The Gray Man opens with Gosling in prison two decades ago, gagging at Billy Bob Thornton’s imperturbable CIA spook. “We get it; you’re glib,” Thornton retorts, but his eyes soften as Gosling envisions a life of murder for the government.

And when we catch up to Gosling in the modern day, transformed into a slick killing machine known only as Sierra 6, he’s a tired shell only suitable for transmitting shadowy bad actors who got on the wrong side of the Feds. Except that he has a conscience. He refuses to work for his manipulating boss after he refuses to endanger a child.  

Woah Woah Woah. Seriously? In 2022, we’re still making movies about assassins who go rogue, because they won’t kill a kid? Seems like we do.

In any case, Moving on. Gosling comes into conflict with Chris Evans’ who is a deranged mercenary, as they’re both sent to retrieve a vital USB drive and —

Hang on, hang on. No. They are talking about primitive tech. Yes, A USB drive? After 60 years of 007 on screen, after six (and counting) Mission: Impossible movies, a spy movie pivots on a frickin’ thumb drive! Our Metaverse heads exploded collectively.

WATCH THE REVIEW HERE

So yeah. On paper, The Gray Man has all the elements of a clichéd spy genre (and WE mean ALL the components — there is about six movies’ worth of plots). Thumb drives. An abducted niece. Bureaucrats are the real criminals. Wet squads stomping across airstrips in body shield. Action scenes slicing to analysts flustered in front of walls of slick data and video monitors. Tense phone calls in multi-story buildings. Rooftop helipads, protected lines, and guys making the bullets fall out of a gun before the other guy can shoot him,sexy women, all of it.

Directors Joe and Anthony Russo are very self-aware about the type of flick they’re making. The quippy banter and intense action sequences are super stylized and just a ton of fun. 

The Gray Man set is apart from clichéd plots like Extraction and other such thrillers because Gosling makes his moves cool. He goes into combat in a crisp scarlet suit twirling a water pistol. The flick has swagger to burn to his silent, silhouetted dispatching of a platoon of bodyguards with whatever cutlery comes to hand. Don’t be fooled by the title: There’s nothing gray about cinematography, kinetic camerawork, and lively music. The Gray might give John Wick a run for his money.

Apart from Gosling and Evans, there is the super-charismatic Indian guest star Dhanush, with a cameo evidently for the sake of Indian eyeballs- all of them handling the action derring-do and quippy repartee with even conviction. Gosling’s Sierra 6’s real name is Courtland Gentry, which means he has not one but two surprisingly cool action hero names. Evans hams it up for the both of them as a courteously irrational intimidator with a wardrobe of stylish woven polo shirts, like James Bond’s neurotic little cousin.

His character, by the way, is called Lloyd Hanson, which is less nang than Sierra 6 but sticks in your mind because someone literally says it every 20 seconds.

We mention the names because Ana de Armas is also in this film, and her character is called Dani Miranda. While the main guys have backstory (even if Evan’s backstory is just that he “went to Harvard”), her character doesn’t have any backstory at alll. The script doesn’t even give her much of a personality apart from obligatory heels, super-badassness, and being crabbit when peeps yell at her.

Then there are many international stopovers that lead to violence. It’s all fun and games, all stylishly shot shootouts and rollicking punch-ups, in a very Bondish manner. Then there’s a huge showdown in the streets of a European city.

But instead of moving on to the next location, the movie dawdles in a hospital, surrounded by the wounded and dying. Thanks for the thought. Russos.

In this film’s world of espionage, there are no terrorists or armageddon weapons. The only danger to ordinary folk like you and me is the internal bickering of various psychopaths maneuvering for control no matter who gets caught in the crossfire.

With The Gray Man, go ahead and enjoy the hell out of a stylish shoot-’em-up where good-looking people going bang-bang in amazing suits and chiseled bodies.

So much fun.